Curses!

I can't believe it. As if it wasn't enough that my peace and quiet was so rudely shattered by that girl selling door to door questing yesterday, you'll never believe what's happened this morning! Let me calm down a bit, and I'll tell you about it. Grott's just bringing me a cup of tea. Ah! With lizard scales and pine beetle juice, just the way I like it. Thanks Grott. He's shuffling off out the door now. He's a godsend for making tea, but I do wish he wouldn't dribble on the carpet like that.


Anyway, where was I? Right, I'll start at the beginning. This morning, I had to make the trip over to the Ebon Tower of Unyielding Gloom again to pick up my unemployment benefit. It's not such a bad journey, the Swamp of Unending Festerment isn't so nice this time of year, but then again I suppose you can't really say it's very nice any time of the year.


In any case, I got there on time and was waiting in line. There was a large troll with diabolical BO standing in front of me, trying to figure out how to fill in some form or other. As always, it was far too hot in there, and I was soon sweating copiously beneath my Shadowed Robes of Unspeakable Power (a nice find in a local charity shop last year). All of a sudden, a nightmarish, multi legged, hairy SOMETHING skittered in an abominably jerky way out from behind the office photocopier.


I bloody knew it! I probably don't need to tell you this, but I absolutely despise giant spiders, and this one was particularly appalling in appearance. Looking back, it's a miracle I didn't soil my robes at that moment.


The hideous spider lunged in my direction, its eight bulging green eyes seemingly intent on feeding on my flesh. Panicking, I aimed a boot directly for the monstrosity's head, and connected with a sickening crunch. The beast appeared to be stunned and rolled over, kicking its legs in the sort of way that causes an arachnophobe have suffer instant mental breakdown. Then it flipped over onto its legs and scurried away. Horrible!


That bloody troll was still standing there, staring at its form and scratching its head stupidly. I noticed, in a post adrenaline induced delirium, that the spider had left some sheets of paper behind it. This bizarre observation turned out to have a meaning after all. You'll never believe this, that revolting spider turned out to be an employee!


Now, I'm all for equal opportunities, it's no skin of my nose if that lot want to hire some sort of aberration of nature to do their photocopying, but they could try actually TELLING you! I'm not some kind of MIND READER am I? Apparently, it was trying to bring me the latest customer satisfaction questionnaire. I still say it was trying to eat me. Well, the upshot is they've suspended my benefits pending an investigation into assault of an employee. Perfect, now I'm totally broke. Well, they messed with the wrong dark wizard! I'll get them back one day. I hope.


Well, yes, anyway, at least I thought I could go back home to Zarfang and get a bit of peace and solitude. I stamped off back through the marsh land, across the empty wilderness, looking forward to the moment I could slam the door and have a bit of a sulk. But as I was just arriving at the front door, an unspeakable sight met my eyes!


Across the murky and broken landscape, I could make out the shape of another mage tower, partly constructed! I watched through the misty gloom as large blocks of black stone magically hovered up from the ground, wreathed in a ghostly blue-green light, and slotted themselves neatly in place at the top of the growing tower.


I noted, with a ghastly sinking feeling, that the the tower looked as if it would be a great deal taller than Zarfang and a great deal more impressive. Well, it just about looked as if the day couldn't have got any worse. Bloody hell! I'm sitting here in my bedroom, and I can see that tower out there growing taller and taller by the minute! Is it so much to ask that you can move to an out of the way backwater and make a meager living as the local black sorcerer? Is it such a crime to want to live in peace? Was it my fault, the incident with the frog, the soap and the picture of Hernán Cortés that got me chucked out of The Dark Lord Zarnak's employ? Well, OK, maybe that one was kind of my fault.


Anyway, first thing tomorrow, I'm going to find out who that sodding mage is, and why he's barged his way into my patch! He'll have me and Grott to answer to, and I'm sure he's not going to like that! So, tomorrow then....