The Result

Well, I can't say everything went entirely to plan. In fact, I can't say things went to plan at all. I do hope these recent setbacks don't convince you otherwise if you were considering signing up as one of my minions. I swear, one of these days I'll be getting right on to the whole "world domination" thing. You just have to take things one step at a time, and in any case, I've got enough on my plate right now. Anyway, here's what happened.


We snuck towards the new tower, picking our way through the ragged boulders and contorted, skeletal trees, conveniently masked by a faint and eerie mist. Just the sort of weather the Howling Waste is famed for (when it's not a howling gale, of course). Grott's bush disguise seemed to be working admirably, though I had noticed the odd branch dropping off from time to time. He certainly seemed to be enjoying himself, he was grinning ear to ear and making little burbling sounds to himself, I had to tell him to keep quiet several times. Still, I couldn't be angry with him, at least he was showing the sort of spirit for his master which is, alas, often sadly lacking in today's generation of lackeys. At least I can count on his loyal assistance throughout this whole sorry affair.


We slowly approached the foreboding walls; they loomed up, towering above us, dark and menacing through the thin haze of fog. Far above, I could still see the faint, phosphorescent glow as more blocks were slid magically into place. I wondered how high he could possibly want the bloody thing to be.


"Right, Grott," I said, rallying my troops, "You go around to the right, I'll go around to the left, and we'll meet up on the other side"


Grott nodded eagerly, his bewarted features the very picture of keenness. We both began to creep steadily around the tower's walls. I had to admit, it was an impressive piece of construction. Each block was nearly as tall as me, and must have weighed several tons. Of course, I had myself forged Zarfang using only the mightiest of arcane dark magics, so if you happen to hear any of the completely false rumours that I simply moved into it when it was empty and unoccupied, like some kind of magical squatter, I'll say now that this is completely untrue.

I couldn't make out anything of interest, bar the tower walls themselves. There didn't seem to be any kind of gate, or indeed any kind of windows or openings of any kind lower down. Far above me, I could just about make out what looked like narrow arrow slits, which presumably provided some kind of contact with the outside world for the tower's occupants.

After a while, I met up with Grott once more.

"Did you find anything interesting?" I asked him. He shook his head vigorously.

"What about a gate, did you see a gate?" He shook his head once more.

I didn't look as if we were going to get very much out of the whole operation, and to make matters worse, Grott's costume was starting to disintegrate. Motioning him to turn around, I thought I should at least try to tuck in what was remaining more securely. It was while I was in the rather compromising position of tucking fronds of foliage into the back of Grott's trousers that events took a turn for the worse. A large puff of purple and black flames rapidly resolved themselves into the figure of a young, fair-haired man, dressed in impressive, long black robes with blood red trimmings. His face bore a languid, almost bored expression as he cast his gaze witheringly over us. I rapidly withdrew my hands and assumed the most "I'm supposed to be here" sort of expression that I could muster. Still, the young man remained silent and aloof. He was irritatingly good looking, and seemed the type to regard anyone less so to be practically sub-human.

"Err, hello there," I began, straightening up and trying to look as innocent as possible "nice day for a walk, isn't it?"

The man raised one elegant eyebrow, and spoke.

"I take it you are the occupant of that tower over there?" he said, nodding lazily in the direction of Zarfang.

"Yes, yes I am," I replied, trying to look as if walking around in camouflage painted robes was the most natural thing in the world. "I was just casting my eye over your tower. Very impressive, not a bad job at all."

The man stared at me with thinly concealed contempt.

"Well, having met you, I think you should rest assured that you are not at all high on my list of priorities here. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Eldrigar, Eldrigar Dark Eagle of Mandrigon."

I attempted to match his haughty introduction, fighting an impossible battle. Curse this name of mine! I really must let you know how I got it, sometime. And before you ask, I think it's a good name, it's just others don't seem to recognise its power and brilliance. Well, you'll all be laughing on the other sides of your faces one of these days. But, I digress.

"I am Ivan, Ivan The Limpet!"

He didn't look impressed. In fact he looked almost disgusted at having to deal with me. I don't need to tell you, he was starting to get on my nerves. Still, I thought it best to play it safe, the guy obviously had power.

"I'm not going to ask how on earth you managed to come up with that name," Eldrigar answered haughtily, running a hand through his fair hair. "I won't ask, but you can be very reassured that you are now even lower on my list of objectives. I also will draw a veil over that misshapen creature that appears to be following you about. Tell me," he said, his eyes narrowing, "how old is that tower you occupy?"

"Oh, not very old," I said, as of course, as I told you, I defiantly didn't pick the lock and move into it a few years ago, "I built it a number of years back. Built it myself."

"Is that so," said Eldrigar suspiciously, "I have much work ahead of me before I can get involved with the likes of you. But I will tell you one thing, so listen carefully." He met my gaze with a cold and menacing eye. "I am now in control of this whole region. I don't mind suffering your existence, provided you stay well out of the way and don't presume that you can meddle in my affairs in any way. I really don't think you'd want to find out what would happen to you if you do. Now, I strongly suggest you get well out of the way. That is all."

And with that, he vanished in the same way he came. When the purple and black flames had died away, I signaled to Grott hurriedly and made a swift tactical withdrawal. I'm sure that in reading this you would will certainly have been very impressed about the way I not only successfully hid my true power, but lulled this intruder into a completely false sense of security. I'm sure that's exactly what you thought. Well, if he thinks I'm going to hand control of the blasted wastes over to him on a plate, he's sadly mistaken. Yes! Just as soon as I think of something, he'll be begging for mercy. I hope. Right then. Yes.

I walked steadily back home, Grott trotting obediently by my side. I wondered what he wanted here, anyway. It wasn't as if there was anything very interesting for miles and miles around.

"Honestly, Eldrigor Dark Eagle! Who does he think he is, with a name like that?" I thought, petulantly. "I bet Mandrigon isn't even a real place. He probably made it up on the spot. First thing when I get back, I'll be checking that out on google earth."

Frankly, I didn't care what he was up to, he'd stepped on my turf, and that, for any dark wizard worth his salt, was about the worst thing that could happen. I needed a plan. As if to directly oblige, my gaze fell to the wrought iron railings near to the gate of Zarfang. A leaflet had been tucked into the metalwork. As if someone littering was what I needed at a time like this! I snatched up the leaflet, casting my eye over it quickly.

"Maevrin, Mistress of Quests! No quest too big, no quest too small. Competitive rates, call today for a free quote!"

"Oh god, it must have been that girl from yesterday," I thought, wearily. Then, steadlily, the gears of my brain began to turn. "Wait a minute," I thought, a plan beginning to slink into my mind like a weasel rising slowly from its burrow "I think I just might be able to come up with a quest for her after all..."

***

Well, I'm back in my room at the top of the tower now, sipping on a well earned cup of tea. Stay tuned for the next exciting installment. Well, I hope it's going to be exciting, it could be all go horribly wrong for yours truly. You know, I always thought the term "yours truly" was really annoying when used like that, but what the hell, I've done it anyway. Honestly, what I wouldn't give for a quiet life....