Greetings

Greetings, and welcome to the inaugural blog special! Though of course you will never have heard of me, I am the great and powerful Ivan the Limpet, professional dark wizard and master of all types of arcane arts. I suppose the first thing you would want to know upon receiving this piece of information is how I did, in fact, become known by such a name as "Ivan the Limpet". Well, you'll have to wait for that, lest I ruin my exotic air of mystery. Anyway, I live here in the Dark Tower of Zarfang (not really sure about that name either - what do you think?) which is set amidst the picturesque rural landscape of the Howling Wastes, also known as the Blasted Wastes.

I live alone, except for my most wizened manservant/lackey, Grott, who is currently (as it's a nice sunny day) wheezing up and down in the garden, hanging the washing out. Ah, it brings a tear to my eye to watch him, such dedication to duty! I'm sure he'd thank me if only he could speak, but he does make very complementary gestures. If you could see Grott now, the first thing you'd probably notice is the extraordinary quantity of warts that encrust his face like barnacles on a rock. Just to reassure you, it doesn't seem to bother him as far as I can make out. Besides, as I watch his progress against the sombre background of the tower's garden, the warts seem to add a subtle splash of colour into an otherwise drab scene.

It's currently Saturday, so that means even more peace and quiet than usual. During the week, much of my time is devoted to the pursuit of what might be called "evil machinations", so you'll understand that the weekend brings a welcome relief to my busy schedule. Actually, to tell you the truth, maybe things have been a little bit too quiet since my unfortunate laying off last month from the employment of that complete bastard that calls himself “The Dark Lord Zarnak”. There's really not all that much work for a dark wizard around these parts recently as well, mostly thanks to this damn recession. Every two weeks I have to go traipsing off to the Ebon Tower of Unyielding Gloom to pick up my unemployment money, a degrading experience for one as adept in the mystic arts as myself. I wouldn't mind too much, but they keep you waiting for an age in there, it's far too hot and I'm almost certain I saw a giant spider wandering about near the photocopiers. Maybe I should consider becoming self-employed? Evil potions, something like that? Maybe a TV chef?


Before I go, I'd like to state the official purpose of this blog :- to report and recount the great deeds which I will undoubtedly perform in the coming months, thus encouraging the recruitment of a vast army of minions, which will be used in the cause of world domination. So, read on, and bask in my ever-lasting glory! OK, got to go now, the washing machine needs emptying. See you later!